One Shot
by Ms Trick
Summary: Also titled What May Be One of the First Naruto Cowboy Fics Ever. Yes, I am snickering at myself and yes, the title is a bad pun as this is, in fact, a one shot. SasuNaru. KakaIru.


**One Shot (or what may be one of the first Naruto cowboy fics ever)**

* * *

_Author_: Ms. Trick 

_Pairings_: SasukeNaruto, KakashiIruka, implied NejiHinata

_Disclaimer_: Insert witty take on the I-don't-own-this statement here.

_Note_: Gah, I can't remember who it was who requested a SasuNaru cowboy fic. This story's for them regardless. Anyway, This should be taken as a little tongue-in-cheek. Cause honestly, a cowboy Orochimaru is ridiculous no matter how much you try. There are no original characters in this fic, despite evidence to the contrary. ;) And the dirtier bits can be found on my AFF account--the link is in my profile.

* * *

By the time Tsunade had made her way downstairs from her bedroom to the saloon hall, her newest bargirl, Irena, had already taken all the chairs off the tables and was behind the bar, cleaning glasses. 

"Good morning," Tsunade said through a yawn.

The bargirl smiled back and watched as the blonde woman fitted her tan cowboy hat onto her head and went to open the blinds on the saloon's front windows. Sunlight streamed in and TenTen entered through the door a second later.

Irena calmly continued wiping down the components of the bar, musing how she was still somewhat surprised she had managed to obtain this job. She absently itched the scar that ran across the bridge of her nose.

She had come to town only last week but Tsunade could apparently spot a quick learner and had hired her, even though her coffee-coloured skin implied she was at least half Native American.

"How's that boy of yours, Tsunade?" TenTen asked, grabbing a broom from a closet near the bar.

"Ahh, a nuisance," she said with affection, rubbing sleep out of her eyes. "But he's in his office already for once. Got a meeting."

* * *

The only reason anyone would think that Naruto held any sort of position in power was the gold sheriff star tacked with pride to the orange vest he wore over his black shirt. His hat was navy and clashed tremendously with the rest of his ensemble, which was all dark except for his bright orange boots. 

His blond hair was poking scruffily out from under the hat and he wasn't even sitting at his desk. Rather, he was sitting on it, humming while he rifled through some papers. The other two occupants in the room were seated in the two wooden chairs facing the desk and were getting steadily more impatient.

Sasuke hmphed and slumped a little further into his chair, knowing it would irritate Sakura. His eyes wandered to the little window in boredom. There wasn't much reason to think Sasuke was the richest guy in town. You certainly wouldn't know it by looking at him.

He was dressed like your everyday ruffian cowboy. His outfit was black from his boots to his riding pants to his hat. The only things that weren't were his wrist cuffs and gun holster, which were both a rich dark blue.

Sakura scowled at her husband's posture and at the sheriff's slowness. She, on the other hand, looked exactly her part as the riches girl around. She was sitting with her back straight, her pretty pink hair pinned up. She was in a long red dress that had a slit up one side. The dress cut off just above her breasts, showing a rather indecent amount of cleavage. She had white satin gloves coming to her upper arm and on her feet were a pair of strappy black high heels.

"Well, Sasuke, Mrs. Uchiha, I think this could be taken care of. When are you hoping to start construction?"

His spurs knocked against his desk as he looked from Sasuke to Sakura. Sasuke folded his arms and shrugged, then completely juxtaposed his apathetic actions by giving Naruto a smirk and running his eyes from the blonde's feet to his face, where a light blush was quickly blossoming. He quickly focused his attention on the woman in front of him.

"Next month," Sakura piped up with a smile, oblivious to her husband. "A small guest house will balance out the structure of our estate and can also act as an informal inn for visitors. I did all the math for it."

"I see that," Naruto said after clearing his throat. He turned his full gaze to the papers in his hands, deliberately avoiding Sasuke's hungry stare.

"Well, we're nearly done here," Sasuke said, sitting up in his chair. "Sakura, dear, why don't you head off to the saloon?"

She grinned happily. "Alright, I'll leave the rest to you."

She stood up and probably would've skipped out the door if not for her confining shoes. Sasuke snorted softly. She was more like his little sister than his wife most of the time. He looked back to Naruto as the sound of the door closing and all its implications washed over them.

The blonde was still purposefully staring at the papers and so missed the smirk that graced Sasuke's features. The dark-haired man stood up and stretched his arms over his head before taking the few short steps to the blonde on the desk, who was fastidiously ignoring the other man's existence.

However, when Sasuke's fingertips knowingly grazed Naruto's knees and ran slowly up the dark denim of his thighs, the sharp intake of breath implied Naruto's ignorance was feeble at best.

Naruto closed his eyes and lowered the papers, placing them on the desk at his side.

"We shouldn't..." He said softly, feeling Sasuke move closer.

When the dark-haired man responded, Naruto could almost taste the words coming off his lips, they were so close.

"Who cares?"

Then those lips were on his and Naruto couldn't help that his hands were sliding over Sasuke's shoulders, or that his mouth was nipping Sasuke's, or that his legs were opening a little wider to accommodate him.

Sasuke leaned forward, his hands gliding over Naruto's hips and gaining a purchase on the surface of the desk. Naruto's mouth opened and Sasuke took the opportunity to curl his tongue around Naruto's.

Naruto's brain stopped working and his groin clenched hotly. He panted into the other's mouth and gave as good as he got. His hands skimmed up Sasuke's neck and knocked the black hat to the floor, giving his hands free access to entrench themselves in the thick, dark hair. Their mouths broke for air and then met again fervently, tongues stroking each other roughly and drawing a hushed moan out of Sasuke.

Naruto, lost in the heady sensation of Sasuke's kisses, nearly missed his fly being unbuttoned and the zipper being dragged down with a rasp that made Sasuke's breathing quicken.

-censored bit-

* * *

By early afternoon the saloon was mostly full, its patrons munching on lunch or watching the midday show on the little stage opposite the bar. 

Ino stood in the centre of said stage, belting out a catchy song with the help of Chouji, who was sitting at the piano, and Hinata and TenTen, who were on either side of her. The three of them were decked out in skimpy black fishnet and feathers. Ino was in a little shimmering blue and black satin outfit and Hinata and TenTen's costumes were nearly identical, except they were pink and black.

Tsunade and Irena stood behind the bar and absently watched as the song picked up and the girls swayed their hips a little more and kicked up their long, fishnet clad legs. Their own outfits were a little less revealing but they basically followed the current saloon girl trends as well.

Tsunade smiled at her graceful bargirls and glanced at Irena out of the corner of her eye. The new girl spoke even less than the quiet Hinata and wouldn't dance, but the seductive trio of Ino, Hinata, and TenTen were more than enough to keep the money flowing in. Besides, Irena was an impeccable employee.

The song and dance ended to enthusiastic applause and whistles and the girls smiled or smirked and waved and blew kisses as they made their way off stage, down into the small crowd.

Dark-haired Hinata took an order from table seven on her way back to the bar and after passing the order onto Irena, she strolled to table two.

"Hey Hanabi," she greeted.

The little girl looked up from her drawing through her messy hair with a childish smile.

"You having fun with Sakura?"

"Yep. No need to worry about me, sis," Hanabi said. "Sakura's teaching me another new card game."

Just then, the said pink-haired woman resumed her seat with two drinks in hand. She placed one in front of Hanabi, who eagerly started slurping it up.

"Hey Hinata. Great show. I got her a ginger ale, that okay?" She asked and Hinata responded with a nod. "Oh, Tsunade wants you at the bar."

"Right." Hinata gently smoothed back some of Hanabi's long hair and then weaved around some newcomers to make her way to where the blonde saloon owner was standing with the order Hinata had given her earlier.

As the dark-haired woman relieved Tsunade of the drinks, the blonde chuckled, her eyes on Sakura, who was chatting enthusiastically with Hanabi and shuffling a deck of cards.

"Remember how she used to be?"

Hinata smiled. Sakura had been a standoffish cowgirl who scoffed at the girly outfits of the saloon girls. But then she got married off to Sasuke. While she had previously slung a gun across her hips and tacked her own horse, she now spent her days in high white gloves and revealing dresses, hanging out at the saloon most of the day, chatting with the girls and playing people in cards.

Absent-mindedly cleaning a glass, Irena watched Hinata move away with the tray of drinks in hand. When she turned to place the glass back beneath the bar, she came face to face with Kakashi, the famous Copy Bandit and her oldest friend, who was leaning over the bar top. She nearly jumped out of her skin.

Though most of his face was covered by a black bandit mask and an eye patch, Irena could still clearly see the sly smile.

"Hey Iruka."

"Kakashi..."

"Kakashi!" Tsunade exclaimed happily. "Haven't seen you in a while! Sit down! What's your pleasure?"

Kakashi tipped his black hat at her by way of greeting and said, "Well...I was hoping Irena would join me for lunch."

Iruka's face reddened but thanks to his coffee-coloured skin, Tsunade didn't notice when she looked at the two of them.

"You know each other?" She asked, surprised.

"Old friends," Iruka grated out, his voice the few octaves higher necessary for Irena's.

"Then of course she will!" Tsunade said, forcefully taking the glass and rag away from the bargirl and pushing her towards the bar's door. "But be back before the rush around dinner. The boys'll all be back from mines about then."

They exited the saloon into the afternoon sunlight and walked along the dirt street, Iruka stiffly and Kakashi never more relaxed in his entire life. Konoha not being a very large town, it didn't take long until they got to the boarding house Iruka was staying at. Despite the short distance, the lack of talking made Iruka feel as though he lived on the other side of the desert.

When they reached Iruka's door, time seemed to shift from barely crawling to overdrive. Iruka shoved Kakashi into his room and tried to ignore the shocked flush that spread over his old lady neighbour, who had stuck her head out of the room.

"Don't. Tell. Anyone," Iruka stated, his temper rising to the surface.

Kakashi held his hands up innocently, remembering how scary Iruka could get when angered. "Would I do that?"

Iruka sighed and swiped the back of his hand across his mouth to get the lipstick off.

"No, but you'll imply it in every gesture," he said with a light scowl.

Kakashi tilted his head to the side, like he was mentally confirming Iruka's statement. Iruka threw his hands up in exasperation and moved out of the small kitchen to the adjoining bedroom.

Kakashi unhooked the dark gun holsters that crisscrossed over his slim waist and removed his hat and placed all objects on the table.

"I'm on the run," Iruka eventually supplied, his voice drifting in to the good-hearted bandit now relaxing casually in his kitchen.

"_You're_ on the run? Sweet little do-gooder you?"

"Yeah, well..." Iruka said, stumbling out of the bedroom in only a pair of jeans. He missed the way Kakashi's free eye roved over his bare chest and continued, "Did some good for the wrong people."

He opened a cupboard and glanced at the contents with disinterest. He didn't even hear the cowboy move but suddenly Kakashi was leaning against the counter at his side. Iruka looked over at him and, annoyed at the misleading bandit persona, tugged the man's handkerchief mask down.

Rather than resist, Kakashi just smiled. Iruka's attention shifted to the other man's lips and his throat went a little dry.

"Don't worry," the silver-haired man chirped. "You've got me on your side. Not to brag, but who's gonna mess with my girl?"

He moved a little closer and Iruka found himself unconsciously leaning towards the other, his head tilting a little.

"You know I'm not a girl," Iruka said, his voice hardly above a whisper.

His breath caught as a hand traced up his bare side, over his ribs, and travelled over his chest--his very _masculine_ chest—to rub a thumb around a dark nipple.

"I like you anyway," Kakashi said cheekily. And then closed the space between their lips.

* * *

As the sun sank into the horizon, Naruto closed and locked the entrance door to his office, trying to ignore the smug, self-satisfied look on Sasuke's face. Both of them had all their clothes back on and their hats straight but even so, Naruto felt like everyone who passed them on the street and nodded to their sheriff in greeting knew exactly what they'd done. 

They crossed the darkening street to the brightly lit saloon and a tall man with long, spiky, white hair called out a friendly, "There he is!"

"Howdy Uncle Jiraiya," Naruto said, trying to pay no heed to his rapidly beating heart.

Jiraiya held open the saloon's swinging door and gestured for them to go through with his half-full tankard.

Naruto smiled as he entered the familiar atmosphere. The place was jam-packed as it usually was every night after work hours. Considering Tsunade's was the only saloon in Konoha, it made sense.

Music blared not only from Chouji's piano but from the accompanying trumpet player and accordionist. Ino's voice resonated cheerily throughout the room and Hinata twirled and TenTen flung her arms up. The three of them together on stage were dazzling and tonight was no exception.

Naruto clapped with the rest of the numerous patrons as the show ended with a bang as he made his way through the throng of people, Sasuke and Jiraiya following. As he approached the bar, he observed Hanabi sitting on it, swinging her legs happily and avidly describing something to Asuma and Kurenai.

"Hiya Mom," Naruto called as he grabbed a seat.

Tsunade smiled at him as she filled two tankards with ale. Sasuke slid into onto the barstool next to Naruto's and it was only then that Naruto noticed the young blonde woman on his other side.

"Cousin Temari! I didn't know you were coming to town."

Temari raised her drink to him with a friendly grin and then took a swig out of it. Her tan hat was on the bar top in front of her. When she was done gulping down the ale, she replaced the empty tankard and casually tilted her chair back, looking all the dangerous cowgirl Sakura had wished she could be.

"Where're your brothers?" Naruto asked, tossing a few peanuts into his mouth.

"Sakura conned them into a game of Old Maid."

She jerked her chin in the direction of a table in the middle of the bustling saloon. Naruto looked over to find the trio but Kurenai entered his line of vision, holding Hanabi's hand.

"Hey Miss Hanabi!" Naruto said happily. Even tough girl Temari couldn't resist smiling a bit as the little dark-haired girl boldly peered up at them through her bangs.

"Sing us something, Temari!" She requested unabashedly.

The blonde woman rolled her eyes good-naturedly and slid off the barstool.

"Can I have a free drink if I do?" She asked Tsunade with a cheeky grin.

Behind the bar, Iruka--done back up nearly flawlessly as Irena--nodded even as Tsunade laughed, "Not on your life."

As Temari left the group, Kakashi positioned himself in her seat. He ruffled Naruto's hair despite the fact that he was the sheriff and leered at Iruka despite the fact that he'd promised he wouldn't. Before either could retaliate in some way aside from indignation, the saloon went dark save for a spotlight on the stage.

Temari stood proudly, bathed in the column of white light, and waited for the catcalls to die down. She didn't look like a performer or even much of a lady. She wasn't in sequins or feathers or a dress and was still covered in some dust from riding her horse, Kamaitachi, from the nearby town of Suna.

But when the piano started cranking out something sultry and she opened her mouth, you forgot all about her scruffy appearance. While the earlier performance had been fast and full of life's excitement, Temari crooned seductively into microphone about the dark world of love.

A little envious, Sakura shuffled her deck of cards. Normally, she'd be delighted at deftly beating Gaara and Kankurou in Old Maid but with Temari embodying the person she had wanted to become, she found it hard to get her spirits up. She sighed and glanced over at the bar, noting with some satisfaction that Sasuke didn't seem too swayed by Temari's charms.

Just as the cowgirl sang the sweet final note of the melody, Shikamaru rushed into the saloon, cigarette dangling from his mouth. This caught everybody's eye as the lazy deputy rarely did anything fast at all.

"Deputy?" Naruto asked concerned, standing up from his place at the bar.

"Sheriff! The Snakes're charging in!" Shikamaru bellowed.

In the next instant, the doors to the saloon were kicked in and with much whooping and guns firing, the notorious gang, the Snakes, made their entrance. Their guns sparked as they shot some of the lights out. Tables were overturned, some by the invaders, some by patrons in order to hide behind them. Glasses crashed to the floor. Girls screamed. The Snakes laughed.

Naruto, Sasuke, Jiraiya, Shikamaru, Temari, and a number of other Konoha residents drew their own guns but in the chaos and shadows, they were too worried about injuring a civilian to fire. Kankurou shoved his brother to the floor and picked Sakura up out of her chair before overturning their table to use as cover. Asuma tucked Kurenai behind him before drawing his gun from its holster. Hinata found Hanabi amidst the pandemonium and wrapped her arms around her before joining Ino in crouching under the barstools. Iruka and Tsunade ducked behind the bar, trying to avoid getting hit by shards of glass bottles that were being shattered above them.

One of the bandits noticed Kakashi's lax posture at the bar and tried to turn his gun on the cowboy but Kakashi shot the gun out of his hand. Everyone, good and bad, blinked in surprise; no one had even seen him pull out his weapon. But there it was, in his hand and smoking from the barrel.

Then a dark, lanky figure entered the saloon calmly. The bandits' actions calmed considerably with his appearance. He slowly stalked through the frozen panorama of disarray. Still behind the bar, Tsunade stood furiously and a few feet away, Jiraiya mimicked her, ready for a fight.

"Orochimaru," Sasuke hissed, his hand gripping his gun tighter, his trigger finger itching.

Orochimaru took in the sight of the hectic state of the saloon and a smirk slithered onto his face. Unlike the rest of his unruly gang of lawbreakers, he didn't hide his face with a handkerchief. His eyes were a sickly gold colour, his hair hung long and grimy from under his dark cowboy hat.

"Jiraiya. Tsunade," he drawled, eyes roving over them before meeting Naruto's sharp blue ones and chuckling. "Heh...Sheriff. Ready to hand over the town to someone a bit cleaner yet?"

Tsunade reached over the bar top and put a hand on Naruto's shoulder protectively. Jiraiya fisted his hands.

Iruka, wanting his suspicions confirmed, rose from his crouch slightly and peeked over the bar to whisper to Kakashi, who hadn't moved from his lazy slump against the bar, "What's he mean clean?"

"Jiraiya and Tsunade are both half Native American," Kakashi muttered from underneath his bandit's mask. "Orochimaru doesn't like them or Naruto for that reason. He wants the Sheriff position obviously because this town's still got gold in its mines."

To Orochimaru's distaste, Naruto smiled before retorting, "Badge wouldn't suit you."

"What's say we do this politically?" Orochimaru said, his voice oily.

"The wrongdoer wanting to do things right? Not sure I trust you," Naruto said, pulling back the hammer on his gun to emphasize his point.

Orochimaru, rather than react to the threat, raised his arms and looked around the room mockingly.

"I've got dirt on almost every person in this sorry town. You included," he said, loud enough for everyone to hear.

Hinata tightened her grip on Hanabi. Iruka ducked down a little lower. Sasuke glared.

"You gonna humiliate them, _Sheriff_? Let's do this in your office."

Naruto pursed his lips but finally nodded sourly to the tall robber. Watched by every set of eyes in the room, he led Orochimaru out of the saloon and across the street, Jiraiya following on Tsunade's and his own insistence.

Naruto shut the door to his office and turned to face Orochimaru with his chin set defiantly.

"My offer stands," Orochimaru said, folding his arms and looking down his nose at the young blonde. "You hand me the town or I'll expose every secret hidden here. I can make your precious citizens miserable, Uzumaki."

"I could call your bluff," Naruto stated. "You may know nothing."

Orochimaru smiled horribly and Naruto frowned, uncertain.

"Sweet little Hanabi isn't Hyuuga Hinata's little sister, she's her daughter. Uchiha Sasuke's brother killed their parents and Sasuke killed him. The half-breed Umino Iruka owes me money and I'm sure he's being hidden in town. Not to mention _you_, Sheriff, and your unfortunate heritage. What would they say to know their beloved sheriff is the only son of the dread bandit Kyuubi?"

Naruto grit his teeth and Jiraiya started towards the lanky bandit but Naruto held out an arm, making his uncle pause. The fury emanating off him was unmistakeable.

Orochimaru was enjoying himself. He continued.

"Hyuuga Neji, Hinata's husband and the father of Hanabi, also got into a mess that I graciously helped him out with. He agreed to remain under my command until his debt is paid off."

Naruto's eyes narrowed shrewdly. Neji had been considered missing or possibly dead for the past seven months. Orochimaru's involvement had been suspected but little headway had been made in finding the missing Hyuuga.

"Once you have the town, you'll use this information to control and manipulate the people even further," Naruto stated.

"Let's say we do this the old fashioned way," Jiraiya interjected, staring Orochimaru down. "You, me, and a pair of guns."

Orochimaru scrutinized Jiraiya's scruffy appearance, his eyes lingering with disgust on the markings on his face.

"High noon," was all Orochimaru said before tipping his hat mockingly and leaving the room.

* * *

Time zipped by until suddenly the sun was directly above them, shimmering hotly onto the dusty street. Jiraiya and Orochimaru stood barely three feet apart, Orochimaru smiling like a reptile. The white-haired cowboy looked grim. 

The Snakes and the residents of Konoha lined the street anxiously. Horses snorted in the heat. Ino and the other saloon girls were fanning themselves with delicate fans. Nearby, Naruto grit his teeth from the saloon front. Tsunade next to him twisted her hands. Sakura was clutching Sasuke's arm and squinting through the dust. Sasuke was watching Naruto from under his hat.

The two men in the middle of the street turned their backs on one another and their boots crunched as they took the decided upon ten paces. Every spectator was counting off the steps in their heads. By the time they'd gotten to 9, no one dared to breathe.

In synch, Orochimaru and Jiraiya spun sharply, whipping out their weapons as they did so. Two shots cracked through the air simultaneously. There was a pause as the smoke and the echo faded.

And then Jiraiya collapsed, sending up a cloud of dust as he hit the ground.

"Jiraiya!" Tsunade screamed, racing towards her brother.

All the townspeople gasped. Tsunade fell down next to her brother's prone body, her hands running over his torso searching for the wound. Tears dripped off her cheeks and then her hand landed on the gun still clutched in his hand.

"I believe I've won," Orochimaru drawled as he swaggered towards the siblings, sliding his silver gun into its holster on his hip.

Tsunade looked up at his smirking face, her tears glinting in the sunlight, and then raised her brother's gun and shot the bandit three times in the chest.

Orochimaru's eyes went wide. And then they went blank. As he fell to his knees and then to the ground, there was a cry from the Snakes' second in command, Kabuto, and in a stampede, the robbers crashed out of town.

One of the robbers' eyes met Naruto's and the sheriff smiled at him before he galloped off on a horse Naruto realised he recognized as Byakugen.

* * *

Sasuke stood in the shade of the saloon's front porch with his hands casually hooked into his belt loops as he watched Naruto tack and saddle up his horse, Rasengan, who was tied parallel to his own horse, Chidori. 

"Aren't you worried about your uncle?"

"Nah, Mom said he'd be fine and she's one to know, so..."

"Where are you going?" Sasuke asked bemusedly.

Naruto climbed into the saddle, his feet settling comfortably in the familiar stirrups.

"I've got a missing husband to bring home," he said, flashing a grin at the other man from underneath his cowboy hat.

"Because you're sheriff?" Sasuke said, the mocking tone betrayed by the fond smile creeping onto his face.

"Yep! And what's the point if everyone doesn't get a happy ending?"

"Mmm," Sasuke said contemplatively.

He ran his hand down the worn leather of Naruto's stirrup and then slapped Rasengan's flanks hard enough that Naruto, hollering obscenities behind him, was a spec in the distance before he managed to regain control.

* * *

End

* * *

_Author's Note_: Really...don't ask. But can't you see Kakashi being like the ninja equivalent of Vash the Stampede? 

-Ms. Trick


End file.
